All of me

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New Year, New Goals

Like most everyone else, a new year can mean the ability to start fresh. Make some goals to be better. This year, I didn’t want to try for anything too big. Instead, I’ve compiled some small goals that I can make consistent and build on in the years to come. I’m sharing them in the hope that I’ll be held a bit more accountable, and by writing them down, I feel it makes them more permanent and something I can go back to throughout the year to determine if I’m continuing down the right path.

1. Read the Book of Mormon every day I’m  learning that I can’t be an all or nothing kind of person with this goal. So I’m hoping, even if I can only read one or two verses some nights, the act of opening up my scriptures every day will help me build a relationship with my Heavenly Father, will increase my faith and will invite the Spirit to reside with me and in my house more often.

2. Get to my goal weight by the end of the year This is my end goal although I’ve set smaller goals along the way. First, I’m learning to take it a bit at a time, so I’m really only focusing on 10 pound goals. The larger goal for that, is to be 180 pounds by my birthday so I can rock it in Vegas. The third goal is to be at my ideal weight before or by the end of the year. It’s going to be a struggle, it’s going to take time, but something feels different this time, and I can see this. I know this is the right time for me and this time it will work.

3. Make an effort to visit family once a week I think too often we take our family for granted. The large family functions are a convenient way to say hello and forget about the rest of the year. So this year, I’m not going to take my family for granted. I am making the commitment to visit someone – whether it’s my brother, mom, dad, sister, aunt or uncle – once a week. I need to start letting people in, and I think this will help.

4. Have consistent date nights Ask yourself a question – when was the last time you got to go out with your significant other without the kids? Or if you don’t have children, when was the last time you went out as a special occasion – a date? Ryan and I got to go out a handful of times, but it wasn’t enough. Some days, I ache from missing him, because we just don’t take the time out for ourselves and our relationship because our child usually comes first. This year will be different. Once a month, we will go out. Whether it’s supper or a movie or both, we will work on connecting again.

5. Go to the Temple once a month I first went through the Temple exactly one year ago. Since then, I’ve went one other time. And I live less than an hour away from the Temple. I need to go more. I know what a difference going to the Temple has made and the blessings that come forth. I need to take advantage of that. So I will.

6. Start family home evening I’ve made too many excuses as to why we don’t do FHE in our household and it’s time to stop. Every Monday, we will have family home evening. We will have lessons and games and songs. Even if it’s just Connor and I because Ryan’s working, it will happen. Now, I just have to start planning….

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25 Things ~ 21-25

Can it be? Could I actually be finished my 25 things about me series?

21. Attention makes me uncomfortable.

Anyone who has ever paid me a compliment or brought up something involving me knows what I mean here. I shrink away. Literally. I can feel myself hunch my shoulders, move back and put my head down. I don’t like it, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I would much rather just be in the background. I wasn’t always like this, but as I’ve gotten older, I just feel like things should be done because we’re good people who do good things. Not to voice everything for recognition or praise (although, I will admit that sometimes I would appreciate someone saying good job, or that I’m a good mom and leaving it at that), but to just do it because it’s the right thing to do. Being humble is a big thing for me.

22. I’m fair to a fault.

Yep, everyone deserves the same thing. Even at my disadvantage. It’s what’s right (in my head, at least). This was how I was raised and even though I know it’s not always that black and white, it is to me. I’m honest, and fair and I hope these are qualities I can pass on to my child/ren as well. The downside to this characteristic is that I also expect it within my own circles, and am disappointed and sometimes angry when it doesn’t happen that way. Sometimes it can cause a lot of heartbreak, misunderstandings on my part and bad feelings, but I’m trying to understand the shades of grey when it comes to this. But it’s taking a while.

23. I’m hypersensitive to negative body-language. Or, I will take sometimes innocent actions of others and make them something negative towards me (usually in the attachment sense).

So if I always walk into a room to join a conversation and people leave (whether they legitimately have something else to do), I will take it as them not wanting to be around me. Rejecting an invitation makes me feel the same way. I try to be rational about it, but sometimes when you’re dealing with attachment problems, rationality means nothing. So if you’re wondering why I stopped responding positively to you, it’s probably because I’ve perceived too many negative reactions and I’m done trying. So be patient. Treat me like that lost puppy you just adopted from the pound who doesn’t come out from under the bed. Be patient, coax me and let me know you’re there no matter what I do. The trust will come, but it just takes a little longer, and it goes away faster than with most people.

24. I would much rather watch people interact that be a part of the interaction itself.

Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean there’s something wrong! I grew up being the baby around a bunch of old people. I’m used to listening and observing what’s going on. I’m not ignoring you, disinterested or upset about something. I’m just taking it in. Especially with a new environment (which, my environments can seem new for a VERY long time!). I’m getting to know the dynamic so that when I do contribute, I don’t mess up and make a mistake, hurt, or offend someone. I love to be the watcher.

25. I’m always trying to be better.

I’m on a life-long journey to perfection. I have a long way to go. But I’m always trying to figure out ways to be a better friend, wife, daughter, employee…. just a better person in general. I’ve learned ways I can do better in some aspects of life, but I always welcome thoughts and criticisms. I think people are taken aback when I ask for what I can do to be better. I try and make it as personal as possible. I wish one relationship had been more open in the past of what my friend wanted from me as I don’t think we would be where we are today, but having that knowledge now I hope has made me a better friend now. So if there’s something that bugs you…please let me know! Sometimes it’s not always just a quirk you have to love or leave and I will try to fix it, or change it. But please don’t stop loving me if I can’t.

I’m finding out new things about me every day. But I hope this small glimpse will help you understand me, or just people in general. We are all different and we should embrace that. We should get to know each other on these types of levels – have an understanding to help us in our future interactions. And love those differences in each of us.

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