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Get Over It.

on July 24, 2013

There’s a motto in my family. “Get over it”. And I’ve been criticized for having it sometimes. Because, admittedly, I can seem a bit cold in certain situations. But it’s a motto of survival. And I hold onto it. I don’t think I would have made it through most of the incidents in my life if I didn’t have that motto. That doesn’t mean what happens doesn’t hurt, believe me. I’m quite adept at putting myself in the other person’s shoes and imagining what something may feel like. But there’s no sense in dwelling. Yes, I agree everyone takes their own time to get over certain hurts and pains, but there is a time when you have to pick yourself up and keep going. Because once you stop and get stuck, you’re doomed ~ physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Sometimes this philosophy causes contention with others in my familial circle (namely, my husband’s family). I often lose patience when someone make another problem their own, get stressed out over something they have no control over and puts themselves in general malaise when it’s not necessary.  Not because what they do is wrong, just because it’s different and after 9 years, something I’m still not used to. And I can guarantee they feel the same way when I make a ‘cold’ comment to something that’s happening within that circle.

I will often vent to my husband about what so-and-so is doing it and how they should just “get over it”. He then calmly reminds me how we’re all different and get over things at different speeds and by different methods. Ya, ya, I know, but come on. You’re still going on about something that happened over 10 years ago? Move on! Something that’s been supposedly resolved, but is still a touchy subject? Really? REALLY? “Get over it”.

I’ve seen what happens to people who dwell. They get physically sick. In Eastern medicine, you have to cleanse your negativity too, or else it will build in your liver and pancreas and cause not-so-good things. And I’ve seen what happens to people who fight and move on and just take what’s given to them. They’re more vibrant, full-of-life, and they cope. They find a way. I watched my grandmother do amazing things in her lifetime. But the moment she stopped getting over it was the moment she died.  Everyone in my life growing up lived well into-old age (serious health conditions aside). But the moment they gave up in spirit, they also gave up in body.

So when I brush something off, it’s not because I don’t care. I’m processing every emotion and negative feeling, but I need to survive in this world – and for me, it’s just moving on. Accepting the facts of life because there’s really nothing you can do to change it. I still grieve those little things – I’ve grieved the loss of three grandparents (as one was already passed before I was born), I’ve grieved my path of infertility (and won!), I’ve grieved the bullying I endured as a child and teenager, and by pushing on I’m stronger.  There is so much more to come in this world – and it’s not going to be good. So don’t bother worrying about those things that have passed or what other people are doing – you can’t change it, you can only change YOU and your reactions. Wouldn’t life be better focusing on those positive things rather than constantly dredging up the past? You’re going to miss out on a lot if you’re always looking behind you.

I know what your thinking – here pot, meet kettle. And I’ll admit, there was a time, when certain things took longer to get over than others. But I think over the past three years, I’ve really changed in that respect. And instead of taking my family’s motto as “don’t feel, push on”, I’m now leaning towards a “live it, appreciate it and learn from it as you forge ahead”. I never said I was perfect, just trying to be better every day. And maybe my thoughts will have an impact on that one person who’s struggling, so they can feel the weight come off their shoulders, and see the light shine from within.

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