All of me

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25 Things ~ 11-15

on September 13, 2012

11. I don’t want a career.

And by saying I don’t want a career – it means I don’t want a career away from home. I want my career to be a mom. That’s it. I want to stay at home, raise my kids, tidy up the house and make supper every night. I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. It may mean we can’t do all the of the things other people are doing, but I don’t think it will mean that we will be any less of a family, or unhappy. For a long time I thought my ultimate dream of being a mother would never happen. But now that it has, I have never been happier or felt more fulfilled in my life. Where I am today is how I want to live my live forever.

12. I hate hospitals.

When I was growing up, my grandpa had emphysema and so it was natural for us to go to the hospital often as he frequently got infections and had to spend a few nights there to get better. Back then, it meant nothing to me. It was always very matter-of-fact when we saw grandpa there – it was the norm. I was (and arguably still am) naive. Hospitals were just places where people got better, right? You go in for a couple days but I was always assured when he came back out. And then when I was 13 I learned the harsh reality of death. It wasn’t like I didn’t know death existed then – I had family members pass away before then, but because they were never very close to me, it didn’t really impact me the way this did. On June 24, 1998 I learned that sometimes people don’t leave the hospital. I had just gotten home from school and was eating a home-made grape Popsicle while I was watching the Simpsons, and the phone rang. Previously, I had been having dreams about going to grandpa’s funeral (his trips to the hospital at this time were fairly constant). I know my dreams were coming true and I instantly started crying. Mom told me it was the hospital and we needed to go into town. I didn’t want to at all. I knew what was going to happen, and I tried to make the excuse of having to study for my Social Study’s final the next day.  She made me go. It was very quiet in the van as my dad sped over the gravel roads into town. I watched as a thunder storm approached and I could see sheet lightening throughout the clouds. We got to the hospital and my aunt and uncle were there with my grandma. We took our turns going into the room to see my grandpa one last time and say good-bye. He was bare-chested and there were tubes everywhere and every breath he took was such a struggle for him. I didn’t stay in the room long and went out into the waiting room with my Uncle Wayne. It was one of the worst days of my life.  Since then, I have dreaded the hospital. I will do everything I can not to have to go into one, and if I must, I always make sure Ryan comes with me – I will never go alone.

13. I am a home-body.

I’ve always liked the idea of traveling and seeing foreign places – but to be honest I would much rather stay at home. I like home. Especially now that I’m married and have a little boy. Home is my comfort and in the last few years it’s allowed me a sanctuary away from the hurt I was forced to face these last few years. At home I can truly be myself and I don’t have to worry about who is there to watch or judge – there is no judgement from others in my home. There are no expectations that I cannot rise to in my home. It’s mine.

14. I don’t have a favorite color.

I love color. Once upon a time I would have said my favorite color is blue, but the truth is I just love all color. I love that yellow and orange are so vibrant and happy. You can’t help but look at something that’s yellow and smile. Red is bold and green seems like a peaceful color to me. I find that at different times of the day, year, or season, I will have a preference, but it never means it’s my favorite.  What I will say, though, is I need more color in my house! For all the colors that I love, I’m a chicken to actually use them in life.

15. Color in practicality scares me.

I am always in such awe of those women that will buy really colorful shoes and wear them. I wish I could do that. I’m too much of a chicken. Or for those people who have such bold colors in their house. Show me the ways! Maybe I”ll start trying to get more adventurous, but I have a feeling I’m much too practical for that.

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