All of me

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Irrational Fear?

on February 9, 2012

In the last few weeks or so I’ve really been thinking about what our baby is going to look like. And quite frankly, it’s making me nervous! I’m afraid that this baby will have all the ugly parts of both my husband and I (even though in IVF they only make sure the cute genes get through, right?) and I keep imagining a baby resembling one of those cats whose face has seemed to be pushed in.  

Plus, I have absolutely no reference to what I looked like as a newborn. My earliest picture is at 3 weeks or so and I know I was cute then…and I know my husband was a cute baby too so does that mean we’re okay?  Who’s eyes will he have? Will he get my family’s nose or my husband’s? I suppose most couples would think of these things with excited anticipation, but for some reason I’m dreading it.

I suppose part of it stems from never seeing anyone I resemble in my life. Nothing has ever looked like me before (until I was 19 and met my biological family for the first time). Perhaps I’m actually more comfortable with the fact that babies are just babies without comparing similarities within the family as that was the norm for me.  And there’s always the small doubt in the back of my mind, that because we conceived through IVF that they mixed something up and the baby will look nothing like either of us! 

In the end, it really won’t matter if we have the ugliest baby in the world, if it doesn’t look like me or if he’s the spitting image of me, the fact is every day I’m reminded that my prayer was answered after five long years and that I’m having a baby. He will be ours through and through and he will be loved.


One response to “Irrational Fear?

  1. MamaMoo says:

    Totally normal to wonder about what your baby will look like. They look like little aliens in the ultrasound, even the 4D made Morgan look like a monster. She came out and she was perfect! I know you will feel the same way.

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